Awake

Floating adrift on an endless sea

no line on the horizon

nothingness stretching before me

around me

trying to get inside me

but I am closed off

'you are not welcome'

I say to nothing
closing my eyes
I put my head back
and breathe deeply
waters rolling, rocking me
back to sleep
but wait!
I don't want to go back to sleep!
I remember the work it took
just to wake up
not again, not ever
I close my eyes once more
feet propelling me onward

I picture white sandy beaches
imagine the sand scrunching
between my toes
the sound of waves
breaking on the shore
and transport myself there
walking along the shoreline
feet bare and warmed by the sand
as I walk on
the path turns to pavement

the water and the trees
transform into concrete buildings and cars
the gentle sounds of the water
fade into the noise
of traffic
of life in the city

I'm walking again
shoes sounding on the sidewalk
and I'm home
awake
not quite sure how I got here
or just where I've been
there's sand between my toes
scritching inside my socks
there's seaweed tucked in my ponytail
and water in my ear
the sounds of the sea
seem to follow in my footsteps
and I'm comforted
awake
invoking the beauty of my dreams
to be with me
to fill me
in the hours in between