A New Year is Coming

I am not a resolution-making kind of girl. I used to be. I'd get all excited and gung-ho (where the heck did that word come from?), pick 2 or 3 things that I meant to do better, wanted to do more often, thought should be made more important. Then, with the rest of the crazies around me, I'd struggle through the next 2 months trying to make it all come about. Exercise more. Eat healthier foods. Cut down on the sugar. Get out of the house more often. Stay in better touch with my friends. At the end of a long line of unresolved resolutions I came to the decision that it was silly for me to 'resolve' once a year to be or do something better, especially when it involved a total overhaul of my then-current ways! This is not because I don't think I can be better or do more, but because I am actually trying to do these things year round - not just when it's fashionable! Stubborn, grumpy, and obstinate though I may be at times, I am who I am, and I pretty much just do things the way I do them. While I know some friends (and family members) would like it if I were more 'normal' or predictable or consistent, that's not likely to happen - this is me on my journey of becoming: like it or lump it!!

So instead of making fruitless resolutions at New Years, I have started my own personal tradition over the past few years of doing only 2 particular things:

• 1. I spend a half hour sitting outside in the snow dressed warm-warm-warm on New Year's Day with my back to a big tree (any big tree that seems warm and welcoming). Once I'm comfortable (and my bum has gone numb!) I begin by reflecting on the year gone by, and I think about all of the things over the course of the year that I'm grateful for. I send my thanks out into the universe, and say goodbye to the things of old. Then I think about the coming year, and think of the big dreams I want to come true. I send thoughts of happiness, welcome and refreshment into the universe as I welcome the spirit of the New Year into my heart, reflecting on some of my dreams for the coming year. Call it a conversation with nature and the universe if you will. Since I started this newish tradition for myself it has really helped me set the year off on a nice note; a grateful and happy note.
  
  
• 2. I think about a few new things I would like to do or try in the coming year. Maybe it's baking and decorating gingerbread men, maybe it's learning to change the oil in the new car, maybe it's making a special date with my mom or taking Mags swimming in a lake. I try not to make the things on the list too big and complicated - mostly I make the list to keep me thinking about the wonderful things the future brings.

This year I have just started thinking about my list - early even! Those things I rattled off up top actually seem like a good start, so maybe I'll start there... time to start building my list!

My Reminder from the Universe

You may already know that one of my favorite things in the world that's online is the TUT Adventurer's Club website. Days when I feel kinda down and uninspired I take a spin over to their site to see what's new. This year they've put out a calendar, which I have just finished ordering (yay!!). Personally I can think of someone who would've done a way cooler job on the artwork, but hey, it still looks nice!

Here is my favorite quote (taken from the May calendar page), and the thing I was most in need of hearing today (the baby is just an online extra)...

You don't have to take everything so seriously.

Reality isn't black and white,
answers aren't always yes or no,
and absolutely nothing has to happen today.

Act when you're ready.
Be led by your feelings.

And the next time someone wants to fit you into a mold,

just tell 'em that your jeans are in the wash,

your angels are at the mall,

and Oprah's on the other line.

The Universe

(Oh, and sorry about the double and triple-postings... I don't always remember to spell-check before I hit 'publish' and then I obsessively need to go back and fix it!)

Believing in the Magic

A friend posted something on her page about the slip from her mom that confirmed for her that Santa wasn't real, and it got me to thinking about my own story... My parents wanted me to belive, they did their best to spin the holiday magic and never said a word, but my need to control and in be in-the-know about everything made it so that I could no longer believe in the magic of Christmas...

Being particularly snoopy (even when I was little!), I always used to search the house for presents my mom had hidden. They were hidden in the closets up on the shelf, under the bed, in the pantry, sometimes in the trunk of the car. I was relentless really, there was nowhere I wouldn't find them. I don't know what started this manic frenzy every year. Sometimes I would coax the tape off to find out what was hidden beneath the wrapping, sometimes it was enough just to hold them and shake them and put them back. I never knew if my mom knew that I used to obsess about it the way I did - I kinda hope that she didn't!

When I was 6, I found the presents for my brother and I that were to be from Santa - beautifully wrapped, and tucked up in the basement rafters (after scrambling atop an old kitched chair that I'd put on top of the old deep freeze). At first I was thoughtful about it, maybe this is how Santa got to everyone's house... dropped things off early? Upon closer examination, I noticed that his handwriting and mom's handwriting were the same - no just similar - the same! Tears stung my eyes, I was disappointed. Even though I was seaching for clues to the truth of Santa, I really didn't want to find out that it was all pretend. I tucked everything back in the rafters, climbed down, stowed the chair back in the storage room, and put on my first 'pretend' happy face at the tree on Christmas morning. I never said anything to my mom until many years later.

Then there was the form letter that the post office sends you when you write a letter to Santa... I remember the first one I opened, my little hands shook I was so caught up in the excitement, magic, and disbelief that I could be so lucky - Santa wrote me a letter back, and it even had my name on it! The next year I was less excited... I noticed that the letter had Name:__________ on the top of it, and because I opened the envelope (before my mom thought to intervene) the name slot was blank. I remember thinking "Oh, this is one of those grown up things that they do to make us feel special... Santa really couldn't write back to all of us, of course that's just silly!" In the final year of my letters to Santa when the reply arrived I noticed that not only did it not have my name on top, but it was exactly the same as the letter my brother got, and identical to the one I had just pulled out of the Christmas box from the year before. Either the letter wasn't really from Santa, or Santa was really lazy and thoughtless. Harumph! Disgusted, I crumpled it up and put it in the trash. That was the same year I found the presents in the rafters.


Even now I recognize that truth about myself, that I often go looking for answers that I don't really want - and then I'm disappointed when I find them. I don't like not knowing, and even though it takes away some of the fun of the moment, I have this incessant need to know everything I can know, to understand what's behind the magic and mystery in the world.

One thing I'm coming away from this year with is knowing that sometimes it's best to just be wrapped up in the magic of the moment, without concern for the how and why of getting there, or what makes things 'just so.' Knowing how and why doesn't always make it better or more meaningful. I remind myself again, I don't need to know how, I don't need to know why... it's magic! Think less, feel more! And I think that if you believe in your heart that something is good and true and real (even if you can't explain it!) then it becomes true. So I believe... in magic, in mystery and wonder, and in the infinte goodness of the universe - especially at this time of year.

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My "Universe" message from today...

If it's not yet obvious to you, the real reason for this, and all seasons, is you, Shauna. A more perfect child of the Universe has never lived. Until now, only celebrations cloaked in myth and mystery could hint at your divine heritage and sacred destiny. You are life's prayer of becoming and its answer. The first light at the dawn of eternity, drawn from the ether, so that I might know my own depth, discover new heights, and revel in seas of blessed emotion.

A pioneer into illusion, an adventurer into the unknown, and a lifter of veils. Courageous, heroic, and exalted by legions in the unseen.

To give beyond reason, to care beyond hope, to love without limit; to reach, stretch, and dream, in spite of your fears. These are the hallmarks of divinity - traits of the immortal - your badges of honor. May you wear them with a pride as great as the immeasurable pride we feel for you.

Your light has illuminated darkened paths, your gaze has lifted broken spirits, and already your life has changed the course of history.

This is the time of year we celebrate you.
Supercoolhappylovething, you are, Shauna.
Bowing before Greatness,
The Universe


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I hope that the mystery, magic and wonder of the holiday season bring you happiness, joy and hopefulness to last to whole year through... Merry Christmas!